apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
