His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize