Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I pour the whiskey from now on
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
