you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
