How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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