A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
