I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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