Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize