The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
