So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
