remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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