Define "chronic" masturbator.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
