I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
