If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
