she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
