we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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