she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
