My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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