one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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