I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
