my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I lost the right to judge tonight
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
