You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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