I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
