he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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