yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
