you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
