So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
