The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
