I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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