You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
