He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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