I think I won the penis lottery.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
