Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize