So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
