i permit you to call me
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
