Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
