I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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