I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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