honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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