Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
