Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
