He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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