i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
