I'm really into asian looking animals
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
