Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
