Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
