Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
