dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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