Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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