i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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