girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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