I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
