I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
we're so committed to being not committed
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
