you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
