i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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