my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
