Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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