kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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