i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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