...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
