Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
