bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
