Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
