so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
