We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
