oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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