i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
