Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
