I think im going to throw up on grandma
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm passing your future prison.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
