Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
