ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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