I am puke
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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