who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize