is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
